Hate Fuck: How to Have It, 34 Signs & Ways Hate Sex Can Be Good for You

The term ‘hate fuck’ might sound harsh, but in reality, it’s a good way to release your aggression and feel a whole lot better afterward. 

There are a lot of different ways you can have sex with someone. You can even call it different names depending on how you actually do it. The one type of sex many people engage in without even knowing it is called a hate fuck.

If you’re not sure what hate sex is, don’t worry! Many people don’t know what this type of sex is or why they do it.

Regardless of what the name sounds like, it’s not necessarily about having sex with someone you hate. Hate fucking is a useful emotional outlet that also yields some great sex! [Read: Primal ways to have angry sex and do it right!]

What is a hate fuck?

The reason people are often mistaken when it comes to hate fucking is that the word “hate” is involved. A hate fuck is essentially another word for angry sex. You don’t have to actually hate the person at all!

When you hate fuck someone, you’re getting out all your rage toward them via sex. It’s an outlet for your passionate dislike for them or something they did. Maybe your partner really angered you and you can’t put into words how it makes you feel. In that case, a good old hate fuck might get all of that out!

Of course, it’s not a good sign if it’s the only type of sex you have with your partner. If that happens to be the case, you might have some serious issues to sort out. [Read: Aggressive sex – wild ways to do it right if you like it rough]

Why do people like to hate fuck so much?

The idea of hate fucking is ironic and complicated.

If you’re so angry with your partner that your feelings are close to hatred, why in the world would you want to have sex with them? Wouldn’t you want to just get away from them?

Feelings like anger can actually have aphrodisiacal qualities. High-adrenaline emotions tend to increase testosterone, which is directly linked to sexual arousal. Especially when you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to see how your body could translate the tension that way. [Read: Naughty sex – 17 wild & playful moves to excite anyone and go crazy in bed]

Aside from the body’s natural response, a lot of people enjoy hate sex because it allows them to release some of the aggression they’re feeling in a way that makes their body feel good. Hate fucking is typically more aggressive than run-of-the-mill sex, so you get to use your partner as a way to physically exert some of your feelings.

How to hate fuck

Before we dive into when you can or cannot indulge in hate sex, let’s first discuss the different types of hate sex that may present themselves. Each type provides a different situation and outcome, so be informed. 

These are the ways you can hate fuck. [Read: Just sex? Reasons why sex can never really be just sex]

1. You might actually hate them

This type of hate sex is really where it all started. You have sex with someone because you hate them so much that it’s basically like getting back at them for being on this planet. We know it doesn’t make a WHOLE lot of sense, but there it is.

2. You hate someone else and want to take it out on them

Hate sex in this form can be the most dangerous. When you hate someone else and are so angry at them you pick someone to have hate sex with just to ease your feelings of hate for someone else.

3. You hate a situation

Not all hate has to be aimed at a person. You could be angry and hateful about a situation so you dive in and have hate sex with the first person that comes your way just to get over your anger. This can be confusing because you don’t hate a person. [Read: How to have rough sex and 15 dirty moves to have the sexiest time ever]

4. Playful hate fuck

Playful hate sex is where you’re just role-playing the entire idea of hate sex. You and your partner stage a fight in public *if you want to get really crazy, that is*. Then you take the pretend hate to the bedroom and bang the anger out of each other.

This type is the most fun, but you have to be careful not to let real problems seep into your playful banter. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever]

5. Revenge hate fuck

This is by far the most dangerous form existing, yet it’s somehow the most common. Have you ever had sex with someone just because you wanted to get revenge on someone else? Be it an ex, their new partner, or someone who burned you.

This hate sex involves having sex with someone to get back at someone else. You’re basically using someone to make another person angry. [Read: How & why to get revenge on your ex – 20 healthy and effed up ways]

Who you can hate fuck

Well, you can hate fuck whoever you like as long as they agree. More often than not, hate sex will be with a partner and you’re trying to get rid of some pent-up aggression. Of course, it might also be an ex.

It’s not the best idea to have hate sex with someone you don’t know well, i.e. a one-night stand, as they might totally misunderstand why you’re so angry!

The thing with hate sex is that you do it, both enjoy it, and your aggression is gone. For that reason, it’s ideal with a partner above all else. If you do it with an ex, you risk dragging up all those feelings you’d buried down so deeply, or picking a healing wound. [Read: 20 sexual problems in a relationship you can avoid]

Signs of a hate fuck

Believe it or not, this kind of sex can actually be very good for you. While you might not think that sex of a negative variety could do you any favors, this kind can.

Let’s check out a few clear signs of hate fucking. [Read: How to have no strings attached sex and make it work]

1. You’re emotionally detached

When you hate fuck, there is very little emotion involved besides anger or rage. You don’t feel very emotionally invested in the act or the person. You just feel aggressive, enraged, and turned on.

2. It’s rough

If you hate fuck, it won’t be very slow and sensual. In fact, it’s often fast, rough, and rowdy. This type of sex isn’t the kind you can sit back and enjoy calmly. You will be heavily involved in the act and working hard. [Read: Ways to take your sex life from vanilla to OMFG!]

3. It’s selfish sex

Hate fucking is extremely selfish. All you’re worried about is getting yourself off. You don’t care if the other person has a good time. It’s all about you and having your needs met.

4. There tends to be animalistic behavior

Hate is such a powerful feeling that it often brings out our animalistic side, especially when you add sex to the mix. Hate fucking is primal. [Read: Reasons why animalistic sex is so hot]

5. You may act out of character and do things you normally wouldn’t

The difference between this kind of sex over other types is that you’ll end up doing things that aren’t what you normally do. You’ll get a little friskier, take more risks, and even engage in something you never thought you would.

6. A hate fuck is ridiculously satisfying

Hate fucking produces a different type of satisfaction compared to your regular sex. Not only are you satisfied because you were sexually fulfilled, but you’re also satisfied because you got to release at least a little bit of the rage you were holding in. [Read: How to have satisfying sex every time]

7. You feel exhausted afterward

You’ll be completely exhausted, both physically and mentally. Having such hatred for someone and then taking it out on them is sure to leave you tired afterward. Hate fucking tends to be way more physical than average sex, so you’ll definitely get a workout.

How exactly can hate fucking be beneficial?

This type of sex can be good for you in moderation. Whether you’re feeling hatred toward a person or a situation, sometimes it’s difficult to know what to do with such intense emotions. Hate fucks are here to help.

1. It reduces stress

Life’s problems can wind you up and make you feel extremely stressed or tense. The great thing about having a good hate fuck is that you’ll get rid of that easily. You’ll be relieved and stress-free afterward, thanks to the endorphins that are released. [Read: Less stress and other benefits of sex]

2. It gets your aggression out

We all have aggressive tendencies from time to time. When you can have a good hate fuck with someone you despise at that moment, it gets rid of all of that. Because you can be quite aggressive during it, you won’t have those aggressive tendencies as often.

However, do remember that there’s a difference between aggressive and abusive. Don’t overstep the mark.

3. It opens you up to new experiences in the bedroom

It’ll bring out a different side of you when you’re getting hot and heavy with someone you’re annoyed with. You’ll be more open to trying new things and having different experiences in the bedroom. [Read: 20 new things to try in bed at least once]

4. You’ll find new things you like in bed

This is probably the best benefit of hate fucking. You may find new things you like. There’s always something in the bedroom that we’ve never tried before. When you hate fuck, it’ll bring about new opportunities to try things that you may end up loving.

5. You can release your frustrations

Tension and frustration run high. If you have to engage with the person that you’re annoyed with often, you may just want to hate fuck them. Get rid of it. It’ll release your frustrations with them so you can return to your normal self.

6. The pleasure is often heightened

Hate is a powerful emotion. Some say it can be even more powerful than love. If you think having sex with someone you’re in love with is good, add in the animosity of hate and frustration. You have a recipe for some of the most intense pleasure you’ll ever feel. [Read: 17 ways to make sex more pleasurable]

7. There are no ties

Some may think this isn’t a good thing. However, when you hate fuck, you’re focusing on yourself. You’re more in tune with what you want and you don’t really think about the other person.

8. It costs less than going to the gym

All in all, this may not seem like the most important benefit, but it’s definitely on the list. When you hate fuck, you’re putting a lot of effort and intensity into it. This makes your body work harder, and you can bet you’ll be sweating and breathing heavily afterward.

When you should hate fuck

There’s definitely a time and a place for a hate fuck. It’s not an everyday type of sex that’s good for everyone. It’s important to know how to tell when it is or isn’t okay. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible & ways to fix it]

1. When you both consent to it

Whoever you’re hate fucking absolutely has to be okay with it. They have to be okay with the act itself and the aggression that comes with it.

Make sure that your romp partner is on board with everything you’re doing and that you don’t cross any lines just to satisfy yourself. [Read: Meaning of safe words & how to use them when you’re playing rough]

2. When you’re both angry

A hate fuck is best utilized when you’re both angry. This way, you both have the chance to get rid of some of your aggressive feelings equally. The shared anger will make the hate fuck more intense and satisfying for both parties.

3. When you dislike them but you’re not too emotionally involved

You hate someone but are not too emotionally involved. If hating them is just a passing thought that you think only when they’re around, they’re definitely the type of person to have this type of sex with.

4. You’re emotionally ready to deal with any consequences

You need to be ready to have sex for hate. It’s not an easy task, and it comes with some ramifications if things go bad. If you’re willing, ready, and able to deal with any consequences arising from your hateful romp, then feel free to get your hate on! [Read: Casual sex – how to find the hookup of your dreams]

5. When it won’t lead to anything else

The worst part about sex is that you often get emotionally attached to the person. Even the best of us slip up and end up catching feelings for the person we’re currently banging.

You should only really have hate sex when you know that it won’t lead to any other feelings. This type of sex is rough, dirty, and fun, but it can also be really emotional. So make sure you know your own feelings. [Read: Big signs your fling is turning into a real relationship]

When you should avoid hate fucking at all costs

Hate sex can be the worst possible thing for someone depending on their situation. If you have it in the wrong way, it brings you a lot more trouble than it’s worth. Here are all the times to avoid hate fucking at all costs.

1. You’re only irrationally angry

It can be easy to want to have hate sex when you’re really angry about something. But if you’re irrationally mad and just need some time to calm down, then hate sex can be the worst thing for you. Once you calm down, you may regret having had hate sex with that person.

2. You’re fresh out of a breakup

We know you might want to have revenge hate sex with either your new ex or someone who you know upsets your ex, but just don’t. This type of sex brings nothing but regret and sadness. [Read: Is revenge sex ever worth it?]

The hate from the breakup will subside and you’ll be left with the pain of knowing you made a terrible decision in having hate sex with someone when you JUST got out of a relationship—even if you just had it with your ex.

3. You just want to say you hate fucked

Hate fucking can be really fun. But if you’re only into experiencing it because you heard it was so fun, you’re not really having hate sex.

You can’t just find someone out at a bar, get into a fight with them even though you’re not even mad about anything, and then proceed to go home and have real hate sex.

That’s just a random hookup. It’s not worth it just to be able to say you’ve had this type of sex before. Avoid it in this case. [Read: Secrets of a love-hate relationship – can it work?]

Cons of a hate fuck

Hate fucking has a lot of negativity connected to it, which clearly means that there are some serious downsides. There are potential disasters that come with most types of sex, but you should tread more carefully with this particular type of sex.

1. It doesn’t resolve any issues

Hate fucking should NOT be used to manage conflict. It definitely helps to let go of some of your hatred and anger, but it shouldn’t be the sole therapy used.

Use the closeness of hate fucking to minimize some of the tension so that you can address whatever issues you have afterward. [Read: How to resolve conflict – the 15 best ways to cut out the drama]

2. It can get out of control

It’s easy to let yourself get carried away by your emotions, so it is extremely important to be mindful when another person is involved. Hate fucking is built for releasing frustrations and anger, but you should be careful not to take it out on your partner too heavily.

Only get as physical as they’re comfortable with. You should never be rougher just because it’s what only you want.

3. It’s just a transfer of your arousal

Because anger releases extra testosterone, which increases arousal, you’re really only fucking at that moment because it’s what your body is telling you it needs. [Read: Mutual sexual tension – 44 signs, causes, & secrets to get hornier]

Since arousal and anger can be similarly received by your body, it can be difficult for your body to know that you’re just angry and not that you need to cum.

4. It can make hatred seem acceptable

One of the issues with hate fucking is that, since sex is a consensual act, it makes hate seem consensual. You might start to think that your anger is okay since you get to have this great sex because of it, but that’s not true.

It’s like rewarding negative behavior. While hate fucking is okay on occasion, you can’t maintain the permanent mindset that bad feelings get you good things.

5. It can give you false hope

Maybe you and your partner have had a huge, earth-shattering fight. It’s been days since you really spoke, and the air is filled with horrible tension.

If you all of a sudden find yourselves in bed together having such intense sex, you might think that this is a sign of repair when it isn’t. [Read: How to communicate with your spouse without resentment or fighting]

6. It could just make you feel awful

Hate fucking is a lot. It’s a lot of aggression, it’s a lot of misplaced anger, and it can be a lot of degrading behavior and words. At the end of it, you might end up feeling horrible rather than better.

That’s especially true if you thought that it might be a means of mending the tension only to find out that your partner is still as angry and full of hatred as they were to begin with. [Read: Meaningless sex – what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you’re ready for it]

It sounds negative, but a hate fuck can be refreshing

Some people might say having this type of sex isn’t the best. With all of these benefits of having a good hate fuck session, we have to disagree.

As long as you know the possible downsides and things to be wary of, a hate fuck may be just what you both need to get rid of all that pent-up stress and aggression to feel a whole lot better afterward!

[Read: Sex is overrated – why some love sex and some couldn’t care less]

The next time you’re stressed out or angry with your partner, bash it out with a good hate fuck. As long as they’re down for it too, it could be beneficial for both of you.