30 Healing Truths to Stop Caring About Someone You Love & Stop Hurting

Sometimes love just doesn’t work out and you need to learn how to stop caring to save your own heart. It’s tough, but it can be done. 

For one reason or another, the one you love so much has decided that you’re not a great match. It’s agony, and there you are, covered in blankets and clutching a tub of ice cream, wondering how to stop caring about someone you love.

When you’re going through a breakup or any kind of heartbreak, it can feel like your world is over. They were once the person you ran to for everything, and now, they behave like you don’t exist!

This kind of heartbreak can hurt like a bitch, and as unbearable as it is now, here’s something you must remember—it is only temporary pain.

Even if it feels practically impossible to move on, you’re eventually going to stop missing them. It’ll take time, constant effort, and a lot of support, but it’s definitely possible. [Read: 25 very real signs your heart is breaking right now]

Why some relationships end – even when things seem perfect

You can’t always predict a breakup. Sure, there can be signs that your significant other is gearing up to call it quits, but not always. 

The worst part of a breakup is the unexpected turn of events. You never really think the worst is going to happen—until your fears become your reality.

However, as horrible as this feeling is, you can’t prevent it from happening. Relationships end sometimes, and it’s all a part of life.

You may think your relationship is amazing and you’re really happy, but your happiness may often cloud your perception of how your significant other is feeling.

They may be seeing many issues in the relationship, or they could be rethinking their feelings. [Read: 20 signs you’re being ghosted or on the verge of being ghosted by someone you love]

Why should you learn how to stop caring about someone you love?

If you don’t learn how to move on and stop missing them, you’ll be hung up on them for a really long time.

Regardless of who did the breaking up, learning how to stop caring about someone involves processing your feelings of hurt and pain. You need to learn this if you want to keep moving forward with your life.

Of course, it sounds impossible to do. They were such a significant part of your life, and now, they’re gone and you’ve reverted to strangers *with memories*.

By learning to stop caring, you’re doing yourself a favor because you’ll finally accept that the relationship had to end.

With acceptance, you’ll still miss them, but the pain won’t be as all-consuming. [Read: How to stop loving someone and read the signs it’s time to walk away]

Can you ever stop caring for someone?

It really depends on the situation and the person. Some find it easier than others to move on and really stop caring about the person they were once so close to. But others always have a lingering soft spot for their ex.

In reality, you’ll probably never get to the point where you couldn’t care less, there’ll always be a tiny little bit of you that wonders how they are.

But that’s okay. You don’t have to push past that, as long as you’ve accepted the end and moved on with your life.

It can seem like you’re always going to be hung up on this person, but with time, you’ll notice it fading bit by bit. It won’t happen overnight, but if you’re determined and you stick to the process, you’ll free yourself of these painful emotions. [Read: I miss my ex – why you miss them, and 20 ways to forget them for good]

How to stop caring about someone you once loved

We know that you may never 100% stop caring, however, you can learn to live without them and adjust to your new reality. It’s going to hurt for a while until you heal from the breakup and realize exactly why it had to happen.

You can never completely shut off your feelings as emotions are what make us human. You can, on the other hand, deal with the loss better.

If you’re going through a breakup or want to stop caring about someone you know you can never be with, these tips will help. [Read: How to stop thinking about someone you still like]

1. Accept what is

You can’t control everything. Things are going to happen whether you want them to or not. If someone walked out the door without looking back, let them.

Ultimately, life isn’t a movie, and you can’t change their minds by chasing them or loving them harder.

As much as that’s the ideal, that’s not how life works. In learning how to stop caring about someone, respect how they feel, and focus on starting fresh.

2. Vent to your friends

As normal as it is to seek isolation after a breakup, let yourself be around your friends. They’ll not only make you feel better about the breakup, but they can offer helpful advice. Don’t just shut yourself off from the world. Talk to your friends and discuss how you’re feeling.

Besides, it’s not very helpful to try and shut off your feelings entirely to numb yourself. It can work temporarily, but eventually, all your bottled emotions will burst. [Read: How to know if your friend is being a good friend]

3. Think about their flaws

It’s really funny how a breakup can blind our perspective entirely and force us to only remember the good things about them.

Just as it takes two for a breakup to occur, there are two sides to every story. So if you find yourself focusing on their good traits, remember they also have bad characteristics.

Remembering the worst about someone can help you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all. Perhaps it’s how they never had time for you, or they never hung out with your friends. Look back on your relationship and allow yourself to see their flaws.

4. Think realistically about how you were together

You were happy and you liked them a ton. But does that mean you were genuinely great together? Did you have the same morals and values? Were they someone you could build a future with?

These are all valid thoughts and questions to have in learning how to stop caring about them.

If the answer to these was no, then maybe you weren’t so compatible after all. Remember, love is a powerful emotion, but sometimes it just isn’t enough. [Read: 18 critical signs your relationship was unhealthy]

5. Get your friends’ opinions

Your friends can look at your situation without bias. You can’t. Therefore, you should always ask them what they think and how they can help.

Listen to them, and accept their views with an open heart. It’s not about justifying your relationship or standing up for your ex. Your friends can give you a perspective that you’re too blind to see.

6. Delete everything of theirs on social media

Get rid of any pictures with them and unfriend them if you can’t deal with it anymore. You can’t possibly learn how to stop caring about someone you once loved when their face keeps popping up everywhere.

This means absolutely no stalking them, their friends, or anything related to them online. It might sound harsh, but if muting or unfollowing them will do you some good, then do it! [Read: How to unfriend someone in real life – the best ways to cut ties and find peace]

7. Get rid of their number

Yes, you also have to delete their number. The ability to contact them is a huge no-no. Otherwise, you’re prone to drunk-calling them when you miss them or just texting them whenever you feel lonely or bored.

Things are over between you two, and this means deleting any contact avenues you have left. You won’t be needing it any longer, so why hold on to it in the first place? [Read: 15 reasons why your ex still calls you and wants to stay in touch]

8. Redirect your thoughts about them

This won’t be easy, but if you can do it, you’ll be able to stop caring about them more easily.

Whenever your thoughts are consumed with missing them and reminiscing about the relationship you once had, shift your thoughts in another direction.

It takes a lot of self-awareness and discipline to master this, but you cannot dwell on your thoughts. Instead, think about something random or even sing a song in your head. This will, after a while, train your mind to bypass thoughts of them.

9. Put away anything they’ve ever given you

You’re probably really attached to their old t-shirt, or you love seeing the photo of the two of you on your nightstand, but you need to get rid of them.

Seeing those reminders will only make things worse. Being sentimental about everything they’ve given you is normal, but it’s best to put them away to be able to move forward completely. [Read: Why can’t I get over my ex when I want to move on and forget them?]

10. Stay distracted by having fun

If you want to know how to stop caring about someone you once loved, you have to master the art of being distracted.

We’re not referring to unhealthy distractions like drugs or alcohol. *stay away from those*!

We’re talking about hanging out with your friends or not realizing you haven’t had a single thought about them because you were too caught up with work. When those thoughts disappear, so do your feelings—eventually. [Read: How to have fun and feel awesome post breakup]

11. Allow yourself to feel sad sometimes

It’s okay to feel sad about the relationship. It’s okay to miss that person. Let yourself feel your emotions, and only then can you move on from the person who hurt you.

To move past those feelings, you first have to let yourself feel them. Even if it’s the hardest thing to sit with your sadness, it’s all part of the moving-on process.

12. Get some new hobbies

Just like going out with your friends can serve as a distraction from your feelings, so can hobbies. Start painting, read motivational books, play games, start a new course, and join a bowling league or a volleyball team.

Remember that dance class you’ve always wanted to attend? This is your chance to broaden your horizons and try something new. [Read: What are you passionate about? How to find and own your desires]

13. Keep yourself open to new opportunities

If you want to learn how to stop caring about someone, you have to open yourself up. We’re not saying date the next person you see—nothing that crazy.

We’re saying that you need to open yourself to more opportunities in life since the possibilities are endless.

You never know when someone special may walk into your life. But if you’re too distracted with thinking about the person who doesn’t want you, you’ll never be able to see potential anywhere else.

You don’t have to commit immediately to the next person, but you never know where life will take you, right? [Read: How to meet new people and find a new crowd]

14. Remember that you deserve to be happy

You deserve happiness and someone who cares about you the same way you care about them. Learning how to stop caring about someone all comes down to prioritizing your happiness.

Contrary to popular belief, happiness isn’t a destination but a choice. You need to know you deserve happiness and chase it.

15. Be patient

This isn’t something that happens overnight. You can’t just get over someone with the flip of a switch. It’ll take a lot of time and effort. Patience is the key to moving on without them in your life, you can’t rush the process

Be patient with yourself and your progress. Eventually, you’ll realize that you don’t miss them as much anymore, and you’ve already moved on. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them for a while]

16. Put yourself first

The best kind of revenge is personal development. By focusing on yourself and putting yourself first, you’re distracting your heartbreak and pain just enough to forget about what hurts.

Whether it’s taking that job, fixing your resume, or signing up for a gym membership, focusing on yourself and your future is the best way to stop caring about someone entirely. [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

17. Hold on to the reasons why you shouldn’t care

Why do you want to stop caring? Is it your form of revenge to prove you’re over the breakup, or do you simply want to enjoy life without them?

Often, holding on to those reasons can make it easier for you to stop caring. It won’t be as easy as pie, but it gives you a purpose to forget them. [Read: How to stop caring – 20 steps on how to not care & put yourself first]

18. Stop trying to “win” the breakup

No matter who broke up with who, you shouldn’t be so desperate to win the breakup. The fact that both of you have already lost each other, means you both lost!

You need to remember that this is a problem with your ego, and it’ll only leave you feeling more angry, bitter, resentful, and hurt. And most importantly, it prevents you from moving on as you’ll be so focused on being above them.

19. Moving on doesn’t mean hating them

There’s a vast difference between acceptance and anger. While anger generally comes before acceptance in any breakup, it’s not healthy to keep being angry at them.

Holding a grudge won’t benefit you in learning how to stop caring about someone. The more you direct all your energy toward hating them and yet wanting them, the more you’ll crave their affection. [Read: How to stop being angry – free your mind and stop hurting yourself]

20. Realize everything happens for a reason

If you don’t understand why they had to end things or why it didn’t work between you two, it might not make sense right now, but it eventually will.

Realize that everything happens for a reason, and that reason will ultimately present itself to you in the most unexpected ways.

Maybe they were the wrong person for you and the breakup was preparing you for something better. Perhaps you had chemistry but lacked in the compatibility department. Maybe you had to learn significant lessons from each other, which was why you had to cross paths.

At the end of the day, when you truly overcome and stop caring about someone, you’ll be able to see clearly where you both went wrong or why you were wrong for each other. [Read: Why do I always choose the wrong guy and repeat the same mistakes?]

21. Be spontaneous

This might sound unusual, but being spontaneous can help you learn how to stop caring about someone in the fastest way possible.

When you’re spontaneous, you don’t find the need to plan every moment of your life. You just go with whatever life gives you and you say yes to the best opportunities.

Go out, meet new people, go to different places, and most importantly, have the best time of your life *or at least try your best to*. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life and explore everything it offers you]

22. Don’t stay in contact with their friends

If you’re from the same friend group, this might be a tough one. But if you don’t share too many mutual friends, it’s best to get some space.

This will be a constant reminder of what you just lost, and it isn’t going to help you move on.

You can stay in touch with all your common friends only after you’ve completely healed from the breakup and no longer wish to get back together with them again. [Read: The case for why you should fall in love with yourself first before falling for someone else]

23. Avoid acting like the martyr

It’s easy to fall into the martyr trap. And once you’re in it, it’s hard to get out. It simply leads you down a road toward life-long negativity.

Okay, it’s tough, it’s unfair, but it’s happened and you have to deal with it. Do not be the martyr, it’s not an attractive look and it won’t help you move on. [Read: Martyr complex – how to recognize it and stop self-inflicted martyrdom]

24. Forgive yourself and avoid the blame game

You’ll probably start blaming yourself for certain things as the healing process moves on, but don’t. This person hurt YOU, not the other way around!

You don’t magically control another person’s actions, they made that choice themselves. Forgive yourself for anything you’re thinking about and avoid blaming yourself.

25. Avoid bitterness

Everyone is different, we’re not all the same, so don’t allow yourself to become bitter about future partners *yes, there will be one, and probably more than one*!

By blaming humanity for everything this person did to you, the only person you’ll be hurting is yourself. [Read: Letting go of someone you love–minus the bitterness]

26. Do something you’ve always wanted to do

Is there something you always wanted to do, but they didn’t want you to?

For instance, did you want to dye your hair bright red? Did you want to skydive? Do it! Go for it now and do it for yourself.

The feel-good factor will be one of the biggest steps you can take in understanding how to stop caring about someone who hurt you. You’ll realize that you’re more important. [Read: How to start feeling good again after a bad breakup]

27. Follow your heart

No, not back to them! Instead, listen to your heart and follow what it tells you. If it tells you that you need more time, listen. Or, if it tells you that you need to get out and visit a new place for some fresh energy and a new perspective, consider it.

While the heart can be stubborn sometimes, it often knows what is best for us.

28. What others think isn’t important

So often, when a person experiences a breakup, they start to panic about what other people will think. Listen, it doesn’t matter. If they want to gossip, let them.

Focus on yourself and your healing process. If other people want to gossip, that only reflects on them, not you. [Read: 41 signs and steps to stop caring what people think and start living your life]

29. Let go of the past

It’s happened. We know you didn’t want it to, but it has. So, you need to realize it’s all in the past and let it go. Stop thinking about “what if” and instead focus on the future.

There are so many amazing things to come and if you spend your time looking backward, you’re going to miss them.

See your relationship as a chapter in your life, it doesn’t have to be the ending. [Read: Honest secrets to let go of the past, be happy, and look to the future]

30. Take your time

The final step is to take your time. Don’t jump back into the dating scene to numb the pain, that’s just a Band-Aid over a very nasty wound that needed stitches instead.

Take your time and allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship or to grieve the event that hurt you. Simply “be” for a while.

Just be yourself and do things for yourself. If and when the time comes to move on, you’ll be fully healed and able to make positive choices. [Read: How to emotionally detach when you don’t have any other choice]

This too shall pass

Learning how to stop caring about someone is not going to be an easy process, but eventually, you’ll forget about them and move on to someone who deserves your love.

More importantly, you’ll find the inner peace you need and you’ll learn that you’re stronger than you realize right now.

Just remember to be patient, and take it one step at a time. The journey might be painful, but with time you’ll be able to look back on this relationship and see it as a part of your life that you have fond memories of, but that had to end.

The best is yet to come.

[Read: 70 true secrets to happiness to have a happy life and enjoy everything you do]

Learning how to stop caring about someone who once meant the world to you will take a lot of time. However, you’ll eventually reflect on the relationship without any pain or anger in your heart. That’s how you know you’ve truly moved on.