Narcissistic Supply: 34 Secrets to Control a Narcissist & Cut Their Power ASAP!

If you have a narcissist in your life, you won’t need telling how difficult it is to be around them. The answer? Cut off their narcissistic supply.

Narcissism seems to be a buzzword these days. The problem is, dealing with a narcissist in real life is nothing to joke about. A narcissist can turn your world upside down, leaving you wondering what side is up, down left, or right. Put simply, you’ll be dizzy and extremely confused. That’s the upside. The downside is far worse. If you understand your own mind at the end of it, you’ll be lucky, which is why you should learn how to cut off their narcissistic supply ASAP.

Many people end up stuck in relationships with narcissists because they simply can’t find a way out. We’re not going to lie, it’s really not easy.

When you love someone, you become blinkered to how they really are. Then, when you throw manipulation into the mix, it’s the most confusing story in the world. The thing is, unless you get out of the relationship, you’ll never be happy.

Before understanding why a narcissist is so dangerous, we must first understand what a narcissist is. [Read: How to spot a narcissist instantly and save yourself a world of pain]

What is a Narcissist?

Now, a real narcissist is someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder *NPD*. This is not a choice and not something a human actually wants to be, but a narcissist doesn’t know a different way to live. So, their bad behavior continues throughout their life.

They must be the center of attention at all times and have praise thrown at them on a regular basis. They need you to do exactly what they want, whenever they click their fingers.

Any rebellion against any of their needs will result in manipulation tactics and can leave a person emotionally scarred for a long time. One of those techniques is gaslighting, something you’ve surely heard a lot about. [Read: Been gaslighted? The signs a narcissist is playing mind games with you]

When you first delve into the world of narcissism, learning about it, and understanding it, you’ll probably end up confused. Is this person actually an unlikable and nasty type of person? It’s understandable to think that way, but it’s also important to remember that a narcissist has a personality disorder that dictates their actions to a certain degree.

Is it any excuse for hurting others? Not at all. That is why if you are in contact with one and you’re suffering, you need to get out of it NOW.

If you’re not sure if you’re dealing with a narcissist or not, check out these signs. [Read: 23 signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]

1. An Inflated Sense of Importance

Narcissists believe that they are the center of not only their own world, but everyone else’s too. Their sense of self-importance is so inflated, it’s a wonder they can actually walk through a door.

They believe they are the best at everything and they won’t hear you say anything different. Their opinion is also the only one that matters – yours is worth zero in their eyes.

2. They Have Their Head in the Clouds

Because a narcissist believes they are the most important person in the whole world, they live in a world that supports that theory.

Their ideas of grandeur are supported in their own minds by the fantasy world they live in and it’s often as though they’re the only ones in the world who understand it. [Read: 25 signs of covert narcissism – A special kind of mind game]

3. They Need Constant Validation

Despite the fact that a narcissist thinks they’re the bee’s knees, they are actually seriously lacking in confidence underneath it all. Because they live in a fantasy world, they need your constant validation that they’re amazing, good-looking, so talented, etc.

When they don’t get it, they’re likely to get pretty nasty, with vindictive comments, passive-aggressive behavior, cold shoulder tactics, or worse.

4. Extremely Manipulative

Narcissists are master manipulators. They are able to turn any situation around to their own liking by twisting people’s minds.

Gaslighting is just one example but they’re fantastic at manipulation in general. Of course, that’s not something to boast about. It’s for this reason that many people who are in relationships with narcissists don’t actually understand what the relationship is – they’ve been manipulated. [Read: Manipulative people – How to spot them and stop playing the victim]

5. They Lack Empathy

A relationship with a narcissist is going nowhere. Sorry, but it’s true. The main reason is difficult but it’s mostly due to the fact that they have no love for anyone but themselves.

Narcissists lack empathy and that means they’re not able to love you in the way you love them. They might try and make you believe that they can, but it’s all an illusion of their orchestration.

They only know how to fake love based on what they see in the movies or read in the books, but they can never understand true love towards anyone but themselves.

6. They Believe the World Owes Them a Favor

If you look up ‘playing the victim’ in the dictionary you’ll probably see the word ‘narcissist’ not too far away from it. They’re fantastic at playing the victim and making out that the world owes them a favor.

They’re extremely entitled and believe they deserve the best of everything. When they don’t get it, they throw a major tantrum – probably the likes of which you’ve never seen before. [Read: 73 red flag narcissism signs and traits of a narcissist to read them like a book]

7. They’re Bullies

Narcissists often bully, belittle, and manipulate other people to get what they want and to make themselves look better. They have zero care for anyone else’s feelings because they don’t have any empathy.

A narcissist has no problem tearing someone down in front of a room full of people and then laughing about it, even if the other person is visibly upset.

They will feel nothing – no shame, no upset, no embarrassment. it’s just what a narcissist does. [Read: Emotional bullying: How to recognize a bully and stand your ground]

8. Can Turn on the Charm Like a Switch

Probably one of the biggest issues with being in a relationship with a narcissist is the way in which they keep you where you are.

When you first meet them, they’ll be on their very best behavior. You won’t believe you’ve met someone so amazing. Then, when they’ve got you where they want you, they’ll start to allow the mask to slip.

If you show any sign that you’re onto them, they’ll turn the charm offensive back on. You won’t know where you stand and it is very successful at keeping you where you are. [Read: Do narcissists know they are narcissists?]

What is Narcissistic Supply?

Narcissistic supply is a term you’ll learn about in the twisted world of narcissists. This concept is key. It helps you understand not only how a narcissist works, but you are given the power to actually cut yourself free. You simply turn off the narcissistic supply you’re giving and walk the hell away. [Read: The games narcissists play to suck you back in]

We’re aware it all sounds a little scientific, so let’s break it down.

1. Validation and Admiration

At the core of narcissistic supply is the need for constant validation and admiration. This stems from an underlying fragile self-esteem, often masked by a superficial layer of grandiosity and self-importance.

Psychologists understand this as a defense mechanism. The narcissist uses external validation to bolster their self-image, which is typically unstable and distorted.

2. Attention-Seeking Behavior

The narcissist’s pursuit of attention is another key aspect of the narcissistic supply. They often engage in attention-seeking behaviors, ranging from exaggerated accomplishments to dramatic personal narratives.

This is explained by their need to be at the center of attention, affirming their sense of superiority. The attention they seek acts as a psychological lifeline, providing them with a sense of worth and existence.

3. Emotional Exploitation

Narcissistic supply isn’t just about receiving compliments or being in the spotlight, it often involves the emotional exploitation of others.

Narcissists may manipulate those around them to elicit specific responses, such as sympathy, admiration, or submission.

This manipulation is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder, as outlined in the DSM-5 *Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders*. It reflects the narcissist’s inability to form healthy, empathetic relationships.

4. Supply Sources

The sources of narcissistic supply can be varied. They may include romantic partners, colleagues, friends, or even strangers.

Essentially, anyone who can provide the narcissist with the needed admiration and validation can become a source of supply.

This dependency on others for self-worth is contradictory to healthy self-esteem, which is ideally based on internal validation. [Read: High self-esteem: 33 low signs, what hurts self-worth & secrets to pump it]

5. Psychological Impact of Supply Withdrawal

When narcissistic supply is withdrawn, narcissists may experience a range of negative emotions, from anger and frustration to depression and emptiness.

This withdrawal can trigger what psychologists refer to as a narcissistic injury. This injury occurs when the narcissist’s idealized self-image is threatened, leading to potential emotional volatility and even aggressive behavior.

Narcissistic Supply Can be Anything That Supports the Narcissist’s Fantasy World

If a celebrity is a narcissist *and you’d be surprised how many actually are*, then the celebrity status itself is the narcissistic supply.

This attention *the fame* gives the narcissist the attention they need, the praise, the adulation, and everything else that comes along with being a household name.

Of course, celebrities also get ridiculed and insulted. As you can imagine, the narcissist does not like that one little bit.

Narcissistic supply doesn’t have to be fame. It normally comes down to power in many ways. When someone is constantly telling another person how amazing they are, the praised person is in a position of power.

They’re adored and put on a pedestal and to them it feels great, but it also feels right. Why? Because in the mind of a narcissist, they deserve this praise, and they deserve nothing less because they are wonderful! [Read: What causes narcissism? The facts and theories to read a narcissist]

Are they wonderful? Nobody is really, but try telling that to a narcissist!

The Dangers of Being a Source of Narcissistic Supply

Being the source of a narcissist’s supply is akin to being caught in a psychological trap. It may seem flattering at first to be the focus of such intense attention, but this dynamic often leads to a damaging, one-sided relationship.

Understanding the dangers of being a narcissistic supply is crucial for maintaining emotional health and well-being. This awareness can empower individuals to recognize and escape unhealthy patterns in relationships.

1. Emotional Exhaustion

As a source of narcissistic supply, you’re constantly required to feed the narcissist’s ego, leaving little room for your own emotional needs.

This constant demand for attention and affirmation from the narcissist can lead to emotional burnout.

The psychological toll of such a relationship can manifest as anxiety, depression, or a sense of chronic fatigue, reflecting a depletion of emotional resources. [Read: Signs of anxiety: How to read the signs ASAP & handle them better]

2. Loss of Self-Esteem

Being a source of narcissistic supply often means enduring frequent criticism and belittlement as the narcissist attempts to assert superiority.

Continuous negative feedback can erode your self-esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

Psychological theories suggest that such experiences can impact one’s self-concept, making it harder to recognize and assert one’s value in both personal and professional spheres.

3. Manipulation and Control

Narcissists are like puppeteers of manipulation, often employing tactics like gaslighting and emotional blackmail to maintain their narcissistic supply.

Imagine trying to navigate a maze blindfolded; that’s how these techniques can skew your perception of reality. You might start doubting your own memories and judgments.

This psychological trickery, rooted in cognitive dissonance, fosters dependence on the narcissist, keeping you entangled in their web.

4. Isolation from Others

Narcissists often play the game of ‘divide and conquer’ to isolate their supply sources. They might subtly, or not so subtly, discourage your interactions with friends and family, creating a bubble where they’re the sole influencer.

Isolation can amplify feelings of loneliness, making you an easy target for their manipulative antics. This aligns with the concept of social isolation, which exacerbates helplessness and dependency.

5. Impaired Ability to Form Healthy Relationships

After dancing to a narcissist’s tune, your relationship radar might need recalibration. You may find yourself questioning what normal looks like in friendships and romantic partnerships.

This skewed perspective can lead to a cycle of seeking out similarly harmful dynamics, a pattern explained by attachment theory, where early relational experiences shape future relationship expectations.

6. Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress

Being a narcissist’s go-to person for ego boosts can leave deep emotional scars. The relentless stress and anxiety might manifest as PTSD symptoms, like intrusive memories or heightened alertness.

These psychological impacts are akin to emotional battle wounds and can linger long after the relationship ends. The trauma experienced here is a stark reminder of the mind’s vulnerability to emotional injury. [Read: Emotional abuse: What it is & 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]

7. Compromised Personal Growth and Development

When you’re busy being a narcissist’s cheerleader, your own goals and aspirations can take a back seat. It’s like you’re stuck in the passenger seat while they’re speeding down the highway of self-interest.

The sidelining of personal development can lead to a sense of stagnation where your potential remains untapped.

8. Chronic Stress and Physical Health Issues

Constantly supplying a narcissist with attention can be as draining as running a marathon with no finish line. This ongoing emotional strain often manifests in physical ailments, from headaches to heart problems.

This mind-body connection, a cornerstone in psychosomatic medicine, highlights how prolonged stress can wreak havoc on your physical health.

9. Vulnerability to Further Abuse

Once in the narcissist’s grasp, it’s like being caught in a rip current, making you more susceptible to further abuse. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship? 66 early signs, effects & ways to get out]

Your eroded self-esteem and impaired judgment can become blind spots, leaving you vulnerable to other toxic relationships.

10. Impaired Social Skills and Relationships

Continual exposure to narcissistic behavior can twist your social skills into a pretzel. You might find yourself either too passive or overly aggressive, struggling with conflict resolution.

These maladaptive behaviors can act as social barriers, a phenomenon well-documented in social psychology. It’s crucial to untangle these habits to rebuild healthy social connections.

11. Development of Codependency Traits

Being someone’s narcissistic supply can lead to a sort of emotional symbiosis, where you feel your worth is tied to pleasing them.

An unhealthy dynamic like this fosters codependency, where your needs take a backseat to the narcissist’s demands.

Breaking free from this pattern requires self-awareness and often professional help, a journey central to the concept of codependent recovery.

How to Cut Off the Narcissistic Supply and Break Free

Okay, you’ve realized you’re the source of narcissistic supply in a relationship with a narcissist. This realization is the first step towards reclaiming your autonomy and mental well-being.

The following strategies are designed to help you cut off this supply, set boundaries, and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. [Read: Gray rock method: What it is, 23 secrets and how to use it on a narcissist]

1. Recognizing You’re a Source of Narcissistic Supply

Acknowledging that you are a source of narcissistic supply is crucial. This often involves understanding the dynamics of the relationship and recognizing patterns of manipulation and emotional abuse.

It’s a painful realization but a necessary one for change. Seeking a therapist’s help can provide clarity, as they can offer an objective perspective and guide you through the nuances of narcissistic behavior.

2. Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

Establishing firm boundaries is essential in dealing with a narcissist. This might include limiting communication, saying ‘no’ to unreasonable demands, and not reacting to provocations.

It’s important to remain consistent with these boundaries, despite the narcissist’s attempts to test or violate them.

Psychologically, this process helps in reducing the emotional impact the narcissist has on you and starts to shift the power dynamic. [Read: 29 secrets to set boundaries with a narcissist & typical ways they’d react]

3. The Role of Support Systems *Friends, Family, Therapy*

A strong support system is invaluable when distancing yourself from a narcissist. Friends, family, and therapists can offer emotional support, validation, and advice.

They serve as a sounding board, helping you to see the situation more clearly and reaffirming your right to be treated with respect.

In therapy, specifically, you can work through the emotional baggage of the relationship and develop strategies to avoid similar dynamics in the future. [Read: How to leave a toxic relationship: 24 steps to end it and find happiness]

4. Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Identity

Cutting off narcissistic supply marks the beginning of a journey towards self-healing and discovery. This process involves rebuilding self-esteem and rediscovering your identity outside of the relationship.

Activities like journaling, self-care practices, and exploring new interests can be therapeutic. It’s also a time to reflect on personal values and what you truly seek in relationships, fostering a stronger sense of self and healthier relationship patterns.

5. Developing Emotional Intelligence

Enhancing emotional intelligence is key in dealing with narcissistic relationships. This involves recognizing and understanding your emotions, as well as the manipulative tactics used by the narcissist.

By becoming more aware of these dynamics, you can better manage your emotional responses and avoid getting drawn into the narcissist’s emotional games.

This self-awareness is a powerful tool for regaining control over your emotional well-being.

6. Practicing Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Engaging in self-care activities is crucial for mental health, especially after being exposed to a toxic relationship.

This can include physical activities, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or simply giving yourself permission to rest.

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a good friend. This practice helps in healing from the emotional wounds inflicted by the narcissist.

7. Educating Yourself About Narcissism

Understanding the nature of narcissism can be empowering. By educating yourself about narcissistic personality disorder and its impact on relationships, you gain insights into the behavior you’ve been subjected to.

This knowledge can demystify many confusing aspects of the relationship, helping you to rationalize and contextualize your experiences. Books, credible online resources, and therapy sessions can be valuable sources of information. [Read: What causes narcissism? The facts & theories to read a narcissist]

8. Learning Assertiveness Skills

Developing assertiveness is essential when dealing with a narcissist. This means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, direct, and respectful manner.

Assertiveness training can help you stand up for yourself in a healthy way, without being aggressive or passive. This skill not only aids in dealing with narcissists but also improves your interactions in all relationships.

9. Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, the impact of being a source of narcissistic supply is deep-seated and can benefit from professional intervention.

Psychologists or therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse can provide the necessary support and guidance.

They can help you work through trauma, rebuild your self-esteem, and develop strategies to protect yourself from future toxic relationships.

10. Building a New Supportive Network

If your current social circle has been influenced or tainted by the narcissist, it might be necessary to build a new network of support.

This can include joining support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuse, participating in community activities, or forging new friendships.

Surrounding yourself with people who respect and value you is crucial for your recovery and overall well-being.

Yes, your partner will flounder, and they will turn on the charm to make you feel bad. Remember why you’re doing this. You’re cutting off the narcissist’s supply and you’re taking the first brave step towards ridding your life of narcissistic abuse. Because that’s what it is deep down. [Read: 16 subtle signs a narcissist is abusing you]

You Deserve So Much More Than This

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably being abused on some level. Constant jibes, dragging you down, forcing you to see things the way they want you to see them, isolation from your friends and family. It’s emotional abuse. [Read: How to use the grey rock method to get a narcissist to walk away from you]

No matter how you dress it up, it’s certainly not love. How do we know that? Because narcissists aren’t capable of empathy, so how can they be capable of love in the same way as everyone else? They can’t.

This is the key to helping you see that you should leave. You deserve to be loved in the right way, and you deserve better.

[Read: A relationship with a narcissist and what it means to love one]

Cutting off the narcissistic supply can feel like cutting out your own heart at first. No matter how much you want to leave someone and feel better, you still love them deep down. But try this, and you’ll see the power transfer from the narcissist into your own hands in a matter of days!