Dating a Married Man & 28 Truths to Know Before You Fall in Love with Him

If you’re dating a married man, it’s time to stop and think. Does it make you just his side chick? We think you and his wife both deserve better. 

With the several movies and shows we’ve watched about falling for married men, it’s a shock to find out how common it is. However, if you’ve fallen hard or are falling in love with a married man, you need to know everything about dating a married man. After all, it’s really not all hearts and roses.

Dating a married man is likely the worst dating situation you can enter. He appears to be the perfect man for you and you can’t help falling head over heels for him—except you don’t want to because he’s married, and he will probably never be yours. [Read: 20 signs a married man is in love with you and wants something more]

Should you push your luck with a married man?

The answer to this question depends on what your intentions are. If you’re simply looking for some fun in your life, then this could potentially work out.

Personally, we would tell you to run away *very fast*. No matter what angle you look at, you won’t get anything good out of dealing with a married man.

Even if your intentions are just casual, it can still complicate things *especially when his wife catches both of you*. If you’re so in love with him and you want a relationship, then unfortunately, the odds of this happening are slim to none.

There are billions of people in the world, why must you limit yourself to this person? You can try, but the result isn’t going to be good.

Falling for him or even just sleeping with him is already complicated on its own. Dating a married man is just the worst.

Even if he claims that he’s in an unhappy marriage or that they’re separated *but not divorced*, she’s still legally his wife. On paper, that actually counts as something. [Read: The reality checks when you’re in love with a married man you should always ask yourself]

Reasons why women fall in love with married men

We know that falling for a married man is a lot more common than people like to think, but why does it happen in the first place? Is there something irresistible about a guy once he puts a ring on someone else’s finger?

Here are some of the most common reasons why women fall in love with married men.

1. A woman’s relationship with her father

Yes, this sounds odd, but wait a minute. If a woman has a very strong relationship with her father, she will look up to him as a protective and guiding light.

Subconsciously, she may also look for that in potential partners. When a guy is married, he tends to have that protective vibe. [Read: Key differences – protective boyfriend or a controlling boyfriend?]

2. There are no strings attached

Theoretically, there should be no strings attached when dating a married man. However, in reality, there is one very big piece of string… So thick it could even be a piece of rope—his wife.

If a woman is looking for something fun and casual and she has no intentions of getting tied down, she might gravitate toward a married man because nothing can ever come of it. [Read: No strings attached relationship – how to have it, end it, & 35 NSA rules]

3. Many women idealize married men

It’s almost like you know he’s had his fun and he’s ready to settle down. He appears strong, dependable, and protective. So, women are often drawn toward him because he’s got that “I will look after” you vibe going on.

4. Attention from married men is flattering

This guy is supposed to be taken, but if he’s giving a woman attention, it makes her feel that she’s special to make him look away from his wife. As far as flattery goes, it’s a pretty big tick in the box.

5. Married men appear to be in control of their lives

We assume that married men have it all sorted out. They’ve married someone they are supposed to want to spend the rest of their lives with. So, they seem like they’re grown up and trustworthy. Of course, the truth isn’t always that simple. [Read: Controlling people – 32 common traits, signs, and ways to deal with them]

6. Women buy into their lies

For all of the above reasons, many women buy into the lies of married men and end up embroiled in a situation that causes nothing but heartache and pain.

7. Married men are forbidden fruit

There’s something taboo about even flirting, let alone dating a married man. It’s because we know they’re off the market, and that makes them forbidden fruit.

For some women, that just makes the challenge even more enticing, and many guys understand this, so they don’t make the chase too difficult.

8. Witnessing their parents in a bad marriage

For some women, if they witness their parents in a bad and unhappy marriage, it totally devalues the idea of getting married in the first place.

As such, the whole “till death do we part” thing doesn’t hold much importance. It can mean that some women don’t feel so bad about dating a married man.

The reality checks you need when you’re in love with a married man

The truth is, yes, you really do need a reality check in this situation. It’s not acceptable to be in love with a married man, and it’s not good for your mental health, either.

You can get discouraged, depressed, and it can even bar you from finding the person you’ll marry someday. [Read: What you should do when you find out you’re being cheated with and you’re the other woman]

Although some of these reality checks may be harsh, they’re the truths you need. When you’re in love with a married man, there’s more than just your feelings that need to be taken into consideration.

1. Never act on it

If you haven’t acted on this feeling yet, DON’T. For a long list of reasons, this is a terrible idea. He’s married. He has already committed to someone else and, despite your feelings, you need to respect that.

By acting on this feeling, you’re disrespecting his family *if he has one*. Don’t put him in an uncomfortable position and have some respect.

Of course, if he’s chasing you and you’ve fallen in love, you don’t owe him any respect. But you do owe his wife some. [Read: Why are you still dating the wrong person?]

2. You probably want him because you can’t have him

Have you ever thought that you might only be attracted to this person because he’s already taken?

This is a pretty popular phenomenon that happens when someone finds out the person they’re only mildly attracted to is actually taken.

Chances are, this could be the case for you. You might only want him because you can’t have him. Is that really a good reason to end a marriage? No. [Read: 15 signs a married man is attracted to you and why you should run for the hills]

3. The whole experience will change your perception of trust

If you believe this person to be wonderful but they can still cheat on their spouse, doesn’t that mean that anyone can? This is one of the most important things to know before sleeping with a married man. It’s kind of scary how people can cheat so easily if you think about it.

Before sleeping with him, realize that there’s nothing romantic about this. Even if society or the media romanticizes affairs, there’s nothing good coming your way.

No matter how perfect he seems, no matter how much you think you can’t control your emotions, you won’t get real love from a married man – you’re the secret fantasy no one ever knows. [Read: The painful realities of being the other woman you haven’t thought about]

4. He won’t leave his wife

This is probably the problem with watching way too many romance movies that lead you to believe that sleeping with a married man can make him choose you over his wife. However, he’s not going to just leave his wife for you.

Why would a man uproot his whole life and throw it away when he’s already getting everything he wants from you?

He has your love, he gets to have sex with you, and he has his wife and stable family life. This is the perfect setup he needs!

In addition, if he did leave his partner for you, would you ever trust him completely bearing in mind how your partnership began? Don’t you realize that if he left his wife for you, he can easily repeat the same pattern to someone else? [Read: Signs you’re going to be the side chick even if you believe you’re his main girl]

5. You’ll live with guilt every day

The idea that you’re contributing to cheating and betrayal of his wife isn’t something that feels comfortable to anyone *unless you’re a “professional” cheater*.

The bottom line is that you’re dating a married man, someone who “belongs” to someone else.

The relationship will likely end. And when it does, that guilt and shame will manifest in ugly ways in all your future relationships. After all, who wants to hear that their partner was willing to sleep with someone married? [Read: How to overcome insecurity issues and reclaim power over your life]

6. If you develop strong feelings, you will get hurt

You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into the minute you found out he was married. You might be innocent before then, but everything you do after you find out has consequences.

If you continue to stay and have harmless dates with him even after learning about his marital status, you’ll seriously hurt yourself.

Often, sex leads to emotions. Not many people can manage to separate the two. In that case, you’ll be left chasing a man who doesn’t want to be completely caught. He’s never going to be yours completely. [Read: Painful stages of heartbreak and grief all of us go through after a breakup]

7. You’ll be blamed if their wife finds out

One of the most important things to know before sleeping with a married man is if you get caught, while he takes the majority of the blame, you go down along with him.

Especially as a woman, you’re expected to not ride along with cheating, as women should empower one another. You’ll have the reputation of condoning a cheater and liar.

The point is, even if you weren’t the one that cheated, you still were involved in that unjust action. You believed it to be okay all because you were falling for him or sleeping with him. [Confession: True story – I had an affair with a married man and this is what happened to me]

8. The excuses he tells you about his partner won’t always be true

You shouldn’t even be shocked by this one. The fact that he betrayed his wife’s trust to sleep with you means he’s also capable of lying to you *and very good at it, too*!

You should be very careful of believing the words that come out of his mouth. When he tells you something about his wife, don’t always believe him.

He might lead you to believe that his wife is incredibly toxic or that his wife cheated on him first.

Until you hear the other side of the story, don’t be so fast to trust him. If a guy is happy to cheat on his partner, you cannot trust the words he is telling you either. [Read: The types of affairs men have and the reasons behind each of them]

9. You’ll always be the other girl

You can’t change this fact. No matter what angle you look at your relationship from, you’ll always be the other girl. Honestly, you deserve so much better.

Are you really willing to settle for a married man and a secret relationship just because he’s the only one available? He might make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but this feeling won’t last.

One of the things to know before sleeping with a married man is that you will probably be labeled with many names that you don’t deserve or want. You have zero control over it. [Read: How to stop being a side chick – you deserve to be the main dish]

10. You’ll never have him 100%

One of the things to know before sleeping with a married man is you’ll never have all of him as a whole, you’ll always be sharing him with his life. In addition, you’ll have to go through extremes just so his wife doesn’t find out.

There are so many men in the world who aren’t married and are willing to give you more than him. It just takes patience to find the right one. [Read: How do affairs start? The ways they play out in real life]

11. His loyalty is with his wife and family

When you compare his loyalty to you to his family, he’s obviously going to choose the woman he married.

For all you know, you’re just a simple booty call for him. Even if he’s cheating, when an emergency happens, he would drop everything just to attend to his family.

He probably wouldn’t have the same urgency if he found out something happened to you. No matter how much you push yourself to him, you’ll never be at the top of his priority list.

12. He probably won’t marry you even if he does leave her

No matter what you’re looking for in your relationship with him, he won’t give you what you’re expecting. Even if by some miracle he does leave his wife, he won’t marry you.

Men who have affairs often fear marriage, even if they’re the first ones who cheated.

He’d have this negative perception of marriage altogether, so even if he commits to you as a boyfriend after leaving his wife, that’s all he’s going to be for the rest of your life. Being in love with a married man certainly isn’t hearts and flowers, is it? [Read: Secret relationship – why would someone want to keep things low key?]

13. You don’t know for sure if he loves you

You have invested all this time, developing feelings for a man you can’t have. How much time has he invested in you? Do you even know if he cares about you, let alone loves you?

You really shouldn’t be putting forth any effort if he’s married. Leave him alone and move on to someone who can love you the way you really deserve to be loved.

14. After all this, he might not be the person for you

Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that the two of you might not be the best match? You could be blind to the real truth. He’s not the one for you, obviously, he’s already found the love of his life. You’re still on the hunt for yours.

Realize that he’s not the person for you, and move on.

15. This ends in a mess and it won’t be pretty

So, you’re in love with him. What next? You tell him, he leaves his wife for you, and you all live happily ever after? No.

This is what’s more likely to happen: you’ll tell him your feelings, he’ll pretend he feels the same *maybe only to sleep with you*, eventually his wife will get suspicious, and he’ll break things off—leaving you heartbroken and alone.

Is that what you really want? [Read: Movies about affairs and why they always glorify a scandalous affair]

16. What do you really want?

Before you do anything else, or anything at all, it’s important to sit down and think about what you really want. By this point, you already know the fact that he isn’t going to leave his wife and you’re not going to live happily ever after, so ask yourself what you’re trying to get out of this.

Are you flattered by his attention, or do you see something in him that’s overly attractive to you? Either way, you can find all of that and more from someone without the same baggage.

17. There will be another ‘other girl’ someday

Look, this guy has cheated on his wife and that means he’s very likely to cheat on you at some point if he does somehow pluck up the courage to leave her.

There will be another ‘other girl,’ just like you are now. This type of guy doesn’t know any other way.

If you’re in love with a married man, you have to realize that you’re not his soulmate and he’s never going to commit himself to you and you only. He’s cheated once, and now he’s seen how it’s done, he’ll only repeat the process. [Read: Once a cheater, always a cheater? 35 truths & must-knows to help you decide]

18. He’s not looking for anything serious

He’s married so he’s already got something as serious as it can get. Why does he want more than that? He doesn’t, and that’s the truth. This guy is just after a thrill, a quick bit of excitement on the side.

That’s not easy to hear, we know, but it’s important to give you this reality check. If you’re going into this expecting some grand affair, where love conquers all, you’re going to be very heartbroken at the end.

19. Even when you win, you lose

If by some miraculous stroke of luck he does leave his wife, your future together isn’t going to be all roses. It started on such a toxic foundation that it’s bound to be rocky at times. And during those moments, he may regret leaving his wife and stable life for someone who he now realizes he doesn’t love as much.

It will tear you up and make you realize how much time you’ve wasted. [Read: Serial cheater – 43 signs & traits, why they cheat so often, & what to do next]

20. You deserve better

Without a doubt, the most important reality check you need is here: you deserve better. If you’re in love with a married man, this isn’t your final destination.

You deserve so much better than this type of relationship, and deep down you know it. Love isn’t always easy, but you’re not supposed to suffer for it like this, and you’re not supposed to put someone else through pain either.

This is a passing attraction that will come to an end, and you WILL move on to find someone who is totally available and totally head over heels in love with you. You just need to be patient. [Read: 34 life-changing steps to fall in love with yourself all over again]

Is there any hope when you sleep with a married man?

Now there is a tiny sliver of a possibility of a happy ending, if you’re in love with a married man who’s a part of a twosome that doesn’t confine themselves to the traditions of marriage.

If he’s in an open relationship, perhaps you could get his affection, but would you be okay knowing he’s sleeping with other women too? [Read: Open relationships and why so many couples find it perfect]

Or if he and his wife are looking for a unicorn or a third partner for a throuple, this may work very well for you too because you now get the unconditional love of two other people. But is that what you’re looking for?

So if you’re wondering about the things to know before sleeping with a married man, these are all the things you need to remember.

And most importantly, before you fall too hard for him, ask yourself how you see things ending eventually. Do you see even the slightest possibility of a happy ending that’ll end in your favor?

For most people, it just ends in heartache and a lot of regret. [Read: The three-way relationship and how it’s very different from an affair]

How to stop dating a married man

If you’ve read all of this and you’ve realized that it’s a dead-end relationship, it’s time to put a stop to it. How do you stop dating a married man? Sharply, suddenly, and definitively.

Simply tell him that you no longer want to see him and you wish him well.

Then block his number, delete his social media accounts, and do not be tempted to go back. He may try to give you all the lines about how he loves you and misses you, but don’t fall for it.

Remember, this relationship has no future and you do not want to be a part of something which is going to tear another person to pieces, and you in the end. [Read: How to leave a toxic relationship – 24 steps to end it and find happiness]

How to get over a married man you love

You’ve ended it and now you’re in pain. It’s normal, you fell for someone and you realized that it wasn’t right, so you did the only thing you could do. You ended it.

Now, you’re going to have regrets and wonder if you’ve made the right move. Push them aside. You know you’ve done the right thing.

Also, don’t beat yourself up about being a part of this affair; you’ve done the right thing now and that’s all you can do. You can’t go back and change anything.

Lean on your family and friends and focus on yourself. You don’t have to open up and tell people what has happened, but it might help to do so.

Simply know that you’ve made a decision for your overall health and well-being and that in the end, you’re going to find the grand love affair you truly deserve.

[Read: Dating a married couple – what you need to know BEFORE you consider it]

These things to know before sleeping with a married man might sound harsh. However, sex isn’t everything, especially when it gets in the middle of a marriage. It’s just not worth the pain and constant lies.