20 Non-Awkward Ways to Turn Down a Second Date Honestly & Not Hurt Them

Is figuring out how to turn down a second date worrying you so much that you struggle through a second or even a third just to avoid awkwardness?

All first dates are not created equal. Some end in a kiss goodnight and a plan for a second date. Others end in annoyance, awkwardness and the fear of hurting someone’s feelings. And sometimes, figuring out how to turn down a second date politely is not easy.

You want to make yourself clear but also don’t want to be rude. Getting that thin balance right? Difficult… and awkward!

Unfortunately not knowing how to turn down a second date is what prevents people from doing it and instead leads to ghosting. People are so afraid of being awkward or hurting someone’s feelings in a straightforward way that they simply disappear and hope the person gets it.

Not only is ghosting rude, disrespectful, and cowardly but there is no need for it if you know how to turn down a second date politely.

[Read: Ever been ghosted after a first date? Why people ghost and what you need to do]

Why Do You Want to Turn Down a Second Date

So, there you are, in the midst of a seemingly endless coffee date. Your companion is nice enough, recounting their childhood fascination with collecting rare stamps, and all you can think is, “Nope, never again.”

We’ve all been there, right? In dating, sometimes the spark just isn’t there, and that’s okay. But what’s next? How do you turn down a second date without turning into a heartbreaker?

The dating scene can sometimes feel like trying to solve a puzzle without the picture on the box. This is where self-awareness becomes your superpower.

It’s about knowing your likes, dislikes, what you can tolerate, and what’s a deal-breaker. And this isn’t just fluff – psychologists have a term for it: emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to understand and manage your emotions, and it’s a game-changer in dating. [Read: 40 honest signs she’s not interested in a second date, why and ways to fix it]

Let’s say you’re on a first date, and it’s… fine. Not fireworks, but not a disaster either. Here’s where your emotional intelligence kicks in. It helps you decode those internal signals – are you not feeling a spark because the person isn’t right for you, or is it more about where you are in life?

This insight is crucial when you’re figuring out how to turn down a second date. It’s not just about sparing someone’s feelings, it’s about being true to yours.

Is the person looking for a serious relationship while you are looking for something more casual or vice versa? Did you differ on too many topics? Did you find out they have one of your deal breakers? [Read: 25 most common dating deal breakers to keep an eye on]

Whatever the reasoning is for your lack of interest, it is valid. Even if it is something like you just didn’t feel chemistry, that is enough of a reason.

Offering up the truth to someone after a failed first date may seem harsh. But in reality, your rejected second date will appreciate that more than being lied to or ghosted.

Sure, telling someone that their lifestyle doesn’t align with yours or that you can’t date someone rude to service workers can seem cruel at the moment, that awkwardness will only last about a minute. [Read: 23 signs he’s not interested in a second date after the first one]

The discomfort of avoiding them, going through with a second date, or ghosting will last much longer for both of you. So, learning how to turn down a second date with the truth really is your best bet.

How to Turn Down a Second Date Minus the Awkwardness

We all know why you are worried about turning down a second date. It is uncomfortable. It is scary. You don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. That all makes sense.

But, you also know that if the situation were reversed, you would want the truth. You’d want to know why and you’d want that answer as soon as possible so you aren’t overthinking it.

The best thing you can do when figuring out how to turn down a second date is to treat them how you would want to be treated, with respect. [Read: How to cut a bad date short and moves you should never ever use]

1. Don’t Lie

Lying about why you don’t want a second date will not only seem pretty obvious, but it could also get back to them.

Just suck it up and let them know you weren’t feeling it. If they have a follow-up question, answer as politely as you can and part ways. Lying will always make it worse for your conscience and their feelings.

2. Offer Them a Compliment

Warm up to your decline with a compliment. Let them know they’re great, but… Or say you had a nice evening but just don’t want to continue seeing each other.

A compliment can soften the blow and let them walk away with their head held high. [Read: How to tell a guy you don’t like him in the nicest way possible]

3. Don’t Lead Them on With Friendship

If you don’t want to be friends, don’t tell them you do. We often try to decline a second date by saying something like we’re not interested but would like to be friends or stay in touch. If you have no intention of that, don’t offer it.

Many people will take this to heart and expect to see you platonically or still want to talk regularly. Unless you actually plan on doing that, forego the nicety. [Read: How to tell a girl you’re not interested in the nicest way possible]

4. Don’t Leave it Open-Ended

It can be easier for you to leave things up in the air rather than being completely clear with your intentions of not sharing a second date.

But in the long run, it will only make things harder. Not only will the other person not know what to think, but you may have to drag out the rejection for longer.

Saying something like “I’ll text you,” or “maybe,” only lengthens the awkwardness. 

5. Act Like You Have Mutual Friends, Even If You Don’t

A lot of first dates nowadays are started through dating apps. That means there isn’t any accountability when you are seeing someone. You don’t share an office or friends so it seems easier to lie or ghost.

If you were dating someone you shared a mutual friend with, you would have to answer for why you didn’t want a second date.

Even if you don’t have that level of actual accountability with this person, pretend as if you do. It will keep you honest and respectful in a situation when you could get away with slacking off.

6. Tell Them in Person

Most people request a second date while ending the first date. Instead of waiting for them to reach out about more confirmed plans, just tell them in person. Again, I know it feels hard to do but it will be over before you know it.

And the more upfront you are, the easier it will be in the future when you want to turn down a second date or have any sort of awkward conversation. If they don’t ask you for a second date in person, still turn them down as clearly as possible. [Read: 15 signs you need to stop wasting time because she’s not interested]

7. Stand Your Ground

Depending on the person you are turning down a second date with, it can get messy. Most people will accept your rejection with class and dignity and walk away. Some people will be hurt or offended and try to change your mind or get defensive saying they weren’t really interested anyway.

Try to let that go. Once you are honest with your intentions, it is really no longer your responsibility to handle how this person reacts.

If you let them know you couldn’t date someone that travels so much or that smokes, they may try to sway you. In this case, you can say, “I appreciate that but it is still a no. Good luck with everything.” [Read: The different ways you could be unintentionally ruining your first date]

8. Know You Did Nothing Wrong

Try not to feel too guilty. Hurting someone when you barely know them is tough, but this is your decision. You don’t owe them a second date just because they seemed nice or there was really nothing wrong with them.

You have no reason to feel guilty if you were honest and respectful. Whether they try to make you feel bad or accept your rejection with nothing but kindness, you handled yourself well and should feel good about it. [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date]

9. Block Them, Only if Necessary

Although this is not something you’ll need to do in 99% of situations, some people just will not take no for an answer. They may continue to text you or like all your photos on social media. If this is bothering you and you feel like they aren’t getting it or are crossing a line, block them.

You have no responsibility other than the truth and if you already turned down a second date with honesty, how they react is up to them.

[Read: How to cut a bad date short – The best and worst guilt-free excuses]

10. Use “I” Statements

This is about making it clear that the decision is about your feelings, not their shortcomings. Saying something like, “I don’t feel we have the right chemistry,” can be less hurtful than pointing out anything specific about them.

11. Keep it Short and Sweet

We’ve all been there – feeling the need to fill every silence, especially when we’re uncomfortable. In the world of dating, this can lead us down the rabbit hole of over-explanation when turning down a second date. But here’s the thing: you don’t owe anyone an essay on why you’re not feeling it.

Picture this: you’re sitting there, launching into a detailed account of your life’s journey and how it’s led you to this moment of saying no to a second date.

Meanwhile, your date is probably just wondering why they can’t get a word in edgewise. The truth? A simple, “Thanks for the evening, but I don’t think we’re a match for a second date,” does the job. It’s like ripping off a band-aid – quick and less painful for both parties.

Over-explaining can actually create more confusion and awkwardness. It might even give false hope or mixed signals. Remember, clarity is kindness. By being brief and clear, you respect their feelings and your own boundaries.

It’s not about being cold; it’s about being concise. Psychologically, this approach reduces anxiety and potential misunderstandings for both people involved.

12. Avoid Over-Apologizing

We get it, you’re probably feeling a bit guilty about not wanting a second date. It’s natural to want to cushion the blow with a flurry of “I’m sorry’s.”

But here’s the catch: over-apologizing can actually do more harm than good. It might seem like you’re being super considerate, but it can send mixed signals, leaving the other person confused.

Imagine saying, “I’m really, really sorry, but I just can’t go on a second date because of [insert a long list of reasons here].” It sounds like you’re still negotiating with yourself, doesn’t it? Your date might think there’s still hope and that maybe you’ll change your mind.

Psychologically, over-apologizing can create an emotional burden for both parties. It makes rejection more drawn out and complicated than it needs to be. [Read: How to not be a pushover: What makes you one and how to take a stand]

Instead, aim for a balance between kindness and firmness. A simple “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re a match for a second date” is honest and respectful. It acknowledges your empathy without creating false expectations.

Remember, saying no to a second date isn’t something you need to apologize profusely for. It’s part of dating – figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

13. Choose a Neutral Setting

Deciding to tell someone in person that you’re not interested in a second date is no small feat. The setting you choose can significantly influence how the message is received.

If it’s someone you know well, or meet often, go for a place that’s public, yet offers enough privacy for a sensitive conversation. This means picking a spot that’s neutral – not overly romantic or emotionally charged.

Now, let’s talk about where not to do this. Avoid places with extreme personal significance, like your favorite cozy cafe where the barista knows your coffee order by heart. Why? Because you don’t want to associate your cherished hangout with an awkward memory.

Similarly, steer clear of overly crowded or noisy places. Trying to explain your feelings over the roar of a busy street or a crowded bar defeats the purpose of a thoughtful, respectful conversation. [Read: 31 ways to let someone down easy and reject them in person or over text]

14. Be Prepared for Questions

When you turn down a second date, be ready for the possibility that they might ask why. It’s natural human curiosity to seek understanding, especially in the context of dating.

If you’re comfortable, giving a brief and honest reason can help clear the air. However, remember that you’re not obligated to provide a detailed explanation.

Answering these questions, even briefly, can prevent misunderstandings and lingering questions, which often lead to more discomfort and confusion in the long run. A clear yet concise explanation helps both parties to move forward.

For example, saying something like, “I enjoyed our time, but I didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for,” offers enough insight without going into potentially hurtful specifics. [Read: 42 believable excuses and ways to get out of a date without being rude]

15. Suggest Alternatives, if Appropriate

Suggesting an alternative, like introducing your date to a friend, is a tactful way to end things if you enjoyed their company but didn’t feel a romantic spark. This is different from leaving things open-ended, which we discussed earlier in the list.

Leaving a situation open-ended *as we mentioned above*, like saying “Let’s see how things go,” or “Maybe we can hang out sometime,” can create ambiguity and false hope. It leaves the other person wondering about the possibilities of a future relationship.

In contrast, suggesting an alternative is a clear and definitive way of saying that while you don’t see a romantic future together, you still acknowledge their positive qualities.

For instance, if you say, “I think you’re great, but I don’t feel a romantic connection. However, I have a friend who shares your interest in hiking and rock music. Would you like me to introduce you?” it sends a clear message. [Read: The best wingwoman: 34 good rules, signs & secrets to help your friend out]

You’re respectfully closing the door on your potential romantic relationship while opening a different one that could be better suited for them.

16. Express Gratitude

Just because you’re not interested in having a second date doesn’t mean you have to close the door on kindness. In fact, expressing gratitude for the time you spent together can be a soothing balm in what might be a slightly uncomfortable situation. It’s about acknowledging the effort and time both of you invested in the meeting.

Think of it this way: saying “Thank you for a lovely evening” or “I really appreciated the chance to get to know you” isn’t just polite; it’s a mark of emotional maturity.

It shows you recognize the value in every interaction, even those that don’t lead to something more. This approach is rooted in positive psychology – focusing on gratitude and positive aspects of an experience, regardless of its outcome.

By expressing gratitude, you’re not just softening the blow; you’re also leaving a positive impression. Just because a romantic connection wasn’t there, it doesn’t mean the person didn’t bring anything worthy to the table.

Maybe they made you laugh, shared an interesting story, or opened your eyes to a new perspective. Acknowledging these small positives can make the conversation about not wanting a second date feel more balanced and respectful.

17. Avoid Clichés Like “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

Come on, you’re not in a Hallmark movie. Phrases like “It’s not you, it’s me” have been played out so much that they’ve lost their sincerity, even if they’re true

When figuring out how to turn down a second date, ditch the clichés. You’re aiming for a genuine conversation, not a scene from a cheesy rom-com.

Instead, opt for honesty in its simplest form. A straightforward “I’ve enjoyed our time, but I don’t feel a romantic connection” is clear, respectful, and far more genuine. It’s like choosing a hand-written note over a pre-printed greeting card; it shows thoughtfulness and authenticity.

18. Don’t Be Overly Honest

While honesty is generally the best policy, there’s a fine line between being truthful and being unnecessarily harsh. When turning down a second date, it’s important to be honest without being overly blunt about sensitive subjects.

For instance, if you’re not keen on a second date because they live with their parents, or you find their bad breath off-putting, it might not be productive or kind to mention these reasons explicitly.

Psychology suggests that such directness can sometimes be more hurtful than helpful. In social interactions, especially in the delicate context of dating, maintaining a balance between honesty and tact is crucial. The goal is to convey your message without causing undue embarrassment or hurt.

For example, instead of saying, “I can’t date someone who still lives with their parents,” you might opt for a more general but still honest statement like, “I feel we’re in different places in our lives.” This way, you’re being truthful about not feeling a match without pinpointing potentially sensitive personal circumstances. [Read: Blunt person: What it means & why having a blunt friend is a real blessing!]

19. End on a Positive Note

Even if you’re declining a second date, the way you conclude the conversation can make a lasting impression. Don’t just drop the “no thanks” and leave or abruptly change the subject.

Instead, take a moment to end things on a high note. A simple yet genuine “I wish you all the best in your search” or “I have no doubt you’ll find someone who’s right for you” can leave the interaction on a positive and respectful note.

20. Remember Your Non-Verbal Cues

When you’re explaining that you don’t want a second date, your non-verbal cues are just as important as your words.

You might be saying, “I had a great night,” but if your arms are crossed, your eyes are looking everywhere but at them, or your voice is flat, your date’s going to pick up on that disconnect.

Non-verbal communication, like body language and tone of voice, often speaks volumes about your true feelings. It’s crucial to ensure they align with your verbal message. [Read: 37 secrets to read people by their body language & expressions instantly]

For example, maintaining gentle eye contact and an open posture can convey sincerity and respect, even when you’re saying no to a second date. This congruence between what you say and how you say it is key to a respectful and clear communication.

Psychologists point out that our brains are wired to pick up on these subtle cues. Inconsistent messages can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. So, if you’re expressing gratitude for the evening and wishing them well, let your body language and tone reflect that gratitude and kindness.

It’s Part of the Dating Journey

Turning down a second date might not be the easiest thing to do, but it’s part of the dating journey. It requires a blend of honesty, empathy, and self-awareness. Remember, dating is as much about discovering what you don’t want as it is about finding what you do.

[Read: 21 ways to friendzone someone without hurting them or leading them on]

Learning how to turn down a second date can indeed be awkward, but it’s about respecting both yourself and the other person involved. By trying these steps the next time you find yourself in this situation, you’ll likely feel a lot less awkward and a lot more comfortable with doing the right thing on a wrong date.